This morning I got up and decided to head into the office--usually I would be working from my home office on a Thursday and would have been at the "work" office yesterday, but since the dumb migraine I had yesterday wiped me out, I decided to make an appearance today and put out fires. So I got dressed, fed the baby, put her back down for a nap and headed in. When I got to my work office, I noticed that someone had rearranged it a bit (it looked a little odd), but I ignored this and got to work checking email. Suddenly, it hit me...I was in my work office. Anna was down for a nap-------AT HOME. And it's Thursday, not Wednesday. So that means that there aren't any friendly neighborhood grandparents there keeping an eye on her, just...the dogs!
After muttering a string of expletives a mile long, I closed up shop and ran back to the Jeep, jumped in, and raced for home as fast as I could. Traffic seemed to crawl and every little old lady, Sunday driver and lollygagger that could possibly get in my way did. It seemed to take an eternity to get home and I could swear I could hear Anna crying the whole way. And I was crying, convinced I was going to be struck down on the spot for being the World's Worst Mother.
Finally, I managed to get home and I raced in the house, expecting to hear her screaming. But, nothing. Silence. Dread filled me and I ran into her room, convinced that she had already been taken by CPS, who must be keeping tabs on me expecting me to slip up at any moment. Just as I rounded the corner into the nursery, looking for her in her crib and not seeing her...........I woke up. And I remembered to breathe. And I realized that I hadn't gone to work and rushed home, in fact, I hadn't even gotten up and brushed my teeth yet. Anna was still snoring away like a fat little log through the baby monitor. Stupid dream. Stupid headache.
Ironically, later today I did decide to come into the office (mostly to eat cake to celebrate my 4 year anniversary of working here), but you'll be glad to know that I remembered to bring the baby with me.
I think I need a nap and an Advil. Or possibly a large bottle of red wine...the good stuff. And a date with Dr. Freud, who can analyze my working mommy guilt, at which point I will hit him over the head with aforementioned wine bottle. Good riddance.
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4 comments:
LOL! It's the plight of the working mother to have tons of suppressed subconcious guilt, isn't it? :)
Sleep deprivation. Kevin was reading your post and only got halfway through,then relayed it to me...somewhat horrified. I went to read it myself and got to the end only to find out it was a dream. Kevin was reassured. ;)
Haha...I almost put a "Read the Whole Post" warning at the top. I settled for just telling to Tim to tell CPS to read the blog if they called today. ;o)
Long time no visit to this site and this is what i get as a welcome! LOL! My heart was racing...is Anna okay? Poor Mandy...sooooo tired... Ugh. I hate those dreams. Hope all is well with you and thank you so much for the cards you send. they always brighten my day!
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